I Was Wrong (a poem)

Takes a lot to know

When you’re wrong

No matter your reasons

Wrong is wrong

Rude is rude

And unforgivable

I know I have wronged

Lord, have I wronged!

My excuses are real, yes

But they sound so weak when I

Look back on the times I have said them

Over and over again

They play like a record stuck on the

Same old song

They burden my heart

As much as

The things I say

Can’t say “done”

I’ve done nothing wrong

Except, maybe, to myself

But I can forgive myself

That’s no issue

I feel like I go too far

Then I don’t

Then I go further

Testing the limits of

Those I loves’ patience

Which is probably running so damn thin by now

But I really don’t know

What to do to

Change

I’m trying

God knows I want to change

But the pills don’t help me

The doctors are quacks

I hate to say this

But I think my prayers are even in vain

Because God can’t help me with this one

I have to help myself

Like my own twelve-step program

But not because I drink

I don’t drink (well, maybe a little blood ha-ha)

But I am who I am

I can’t change all at once

Like a shape-shifter

But a mind-shifter

I’m trying to change

I really am

But first I need to complete that program

I need forgiveness most of all

An understanding that

I am trying

I don’t mean the things I say

I am scarred

Lord, I am scarred

But scars fade

Wounds heal

Hearts harden themselves

I can fix this

I can be a new person

Just first

Please

Forgive me